1. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. A six-yard out route on 3rd and 8 is considered a "signature play".
2. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I use my fandom as an excuse for things like high blood pressure, poor sleeping habits, and why I shouldn't have to pay my taxes.
3. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Scott Mitchell doesn't seem so bad after all.
4. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I can name the height, weight, and college of each of our offensive lineman, though I cannot name any redeeming qualities.
5. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I get a lot of yard work done on Sunday afternoons.
6. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When our offensive players talk about all the success they are having in practice, I'm tempted to remind them that they're practicing against THE LIONS!
7. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My pre-game meal includes chicken wings, beer, and a bottle of TUMS.
8. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. If I don't have a hat to wear to the game, a brown paper bag is an acceptable substitution.
9. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Andre Ware, Eric Kramer, Rodney Peete, and Joey Harrington. Now that's a legacy.
10. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Having your quarterback make the Pro Bowl is overrated.
11. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I boo my team in the first quarter and think nothing of it.
12. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Our franchise has an impeccable draft record of never getting any value from the second or third rounds.
13. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Matt Millen petitioned the league office to see if preseason victories could count towards his career record.
14. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Brett Perriman was terribly underrated.
15. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. It takes a former player stealing a current one's bags for this team to receive national media attention.
16. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Our most beloved and successful veteran is our kicker.
17. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When I talk about past quarterback accomplishments, I invoke memories of the immortal Dave Krieg.
19. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I've had serious discussions amongst my friends about which NFL team would be most appropriate to cheer for instead.
20. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Opposing fans tell me Ford Field is a great place to celebrate a victory.
21. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I'm the sports equivalent to that chick who can't get out of an abusive relationship.
22. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Watching Rodney Peete demolish us in the playoffs was...fitting.
23. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When I wear my Lions gear in other cities, I receive a polite laugh and an, "aww...that's cute."
24. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My spouse has to explain to the kids why I'm always in such a bad mood on Sundays.
25. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I took Jon Kitna two rounds too early in my fantasy draft.
26. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I felt a mild sense of retribution after watching Johhny Morton's MMA debut.
27. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When was the last time we won again?
28. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I love our retired players, because they remind me of times when things were...um...slightly better.
29. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I'm sometimes surprised by the boorish behavior of the other fans in my section, and then realize by the third quarter that I'm doing the same things.
30. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Our third-string quarterback weighs more than our middle linebacker, and probably tackles better too.
31. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Turning the Lions into a winning franchise on my Madden 2009 only increases my frustration.
32. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I loved Mike McMahon, because for those 5 or 6 seconds he was scrambling around, there was a sense of hope that he might actually throw a completion.
33. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Other fans around the country are unaware of my plight, because the NFL makes sure the Lions stay off of national television.
34. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My insurance company does not accept my family's loyalty to the team as a reason my children should receive emotional counseling.
35. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. The half-drunk guy next to me thinks he can do a better job than Matt Millen. He's probably over-qualified.
36. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I find every loss tragic, yet strangely comforting because of its familiarity.
37. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My best experiences at Ford Field all year are during the MHSAA High School State Finals.
38. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I actually know what shade Honolulu Blue is.
39. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Corey Schlesinger was ranked as the third most popular current Lions player in a recent fan poll.
40. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I have called players like Artoose Pinner and Jeff Garica bums, and then watched in horror as they performed like Pro Bowlers against us once they left town.
41. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I criticize our front office for drafting wide receivers in the first round, and then realize that our wideouts are the only unit worth bragging about.
42. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When I travel outside of Michigan and admit my fandom to others, they treat me as if I have a debilitating mental disease.
43. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I have lasting Thanksgiving memories of times with the family, huge turkey dinners, and falling asleep on the couch watching the Lions lose.
44. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When people mention going to the playoffs, I turn into Jim Mora.
45. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My favorite cheer is "FIRE MIL-LEN!!!" With "LET'S GO RED WINGS!" a close second.
46. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When our quarterback predicts 10 victories, I think he's referencing the team's 5-year plan.
47. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. There are three certainties every year. I will be excited at the start the season, disappointed at the end of it, and Detroit will lose at Green Bay.
48. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Averaging 2.5 yards a carry is considered progress.
49. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My favorite player of all time is Detroit Lions Backup Quarterback.
50. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Barry walked away. Why can't I???
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