Friday, March 15, 2013
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
‘Twas the Sunday after Christmas, when all in Green Bay
Not a Lion was winning, oh what can I say;
The game plans were hung by the lockers with care,
In hopes that victory soon would be there;
The players were huddled all chill in their beds,
While visions of winning danced in their heads;
And Coach in his jacket, and I in helmet,
Had just got hyped so the losses I would forget,
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the room to see what was the matter.
Away to the tundra I flew like a flash,
Went to the field and listened to “The Clash.”
The sun on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to Packers below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But Grant, and Rodgers, and Driver are near.
With a little shimmy, so lively and quick,
I knew, in that moment I said oh shit!
More rapid than our DB’s they came,
And they whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
“Now, Clifton, now, Jordy! now, Jennings we’ll mix it!
These Lions don’t recognize coverage & zone blitzes!
To the middle of the field, Lambeau Leap over the wall!
Al Harris, Charles Woodson, TD’s for all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with more obstacles, mount to the sky,
So up to the concourses of the field they flew
With 0-16 shirts worn on kids as young as 2.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the huddle
The crying of grown men, tears in puddles.
As I drew plays in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the pike the referee came to town.
He was dressed all in stripes, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all clean & snug with Reebok boots.
A Hall of Fame football he had in his hands behind his back,
And he was ready, for Canton this ball he would pack.
His eyes — how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His whistle was chrome! His yellow flag was scary!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And he wanted to be part of history, so it was time to go;
The look in his eye was not a welcome treat,
And looked at us & he could smell the defeat;
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook, when he ran downfield like jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old ref,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a flick of his wrist,
Soon gave me 15 yards for another illegal shift;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And launched the flag; then turned (the big jerk),
And laying his finger besides the helmet that was bent,
And giving a nod, back to the sidelines he went;
He sprang to the sidelines and blew his whitsle,
At the end of the game, he left like a missile.
But I heard the fans exclaim, as they drove off in their trucks,
“You guys are 0-16, the Detroit Lions suck!!!”
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, August 10, 2009
Happy Birthday Make....We love you.
Note the site contributors to the right as well as my personal post to the blog entitled "The Detroit Lions Suck a Big Fat Ass."
Also note that Creamy Seemy is not a part of the blog team. He is a worthless carcass, battered and bruised from the spoils of war.
KB, thank you for your efforts on this. You are a gentleman and a scholar.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Julian Rauch kicked a 24-yard field goal with 26 seconds left to put the Mountaineers ahead of the Wolverines and Corey Lynch blocked a field goal in the final seconds to seal a jaw-dropping upset that may have no equal.
“I told them to be quiet — we’re going to be out here all day,” Jackson said, explaining the gesture he used after scoring a 68-yard touchdown. “We’re playmakers. They were talking trash on us, now we’ve gotten them back. It was David versus Goliath.”
Coach Lloyd Carr looked ashen as the upset unfolded, and did not sound much better when he finally arrived at his postgame news conference. “I’ve never been part of a loss that wasn’t miserable,” he said.
Then Appalachian State drove 69 yards without a timeout in 1:11 to set up the go-ahead field goal. “We’re still sort of shocked,” Coach Jerry Moore said after being carried off the field by his players.
Appalachian State has won 15 consecutive games, the longest streak in the nation. The Mountaineers are favored to win the Football Championship Subdivision, but they were not expected to challenge a team picked to win the Big Ten and contend for the national title. No Division I-AA team had beaten a team ranked in the Associated Press poll from 1989-2006, and it is unlikely that it happened after Division I subdivisions were created in 1978.
“Someone said it might be one of the big victories in college football,” Moore said. “It may be the biggest.”
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Things are bad in Detroit this season, so bad in fact that Commissioner Roger Goodell announced just minutes ago the Lions have been demoted from the NFL and will begin play in Division 1-AA effective immediately.
The Football Championship Subdivision (FCS), formerly Division 1-AA, was notified of the NFLs decision shortly after league officials arrived at their decision. The announcement was met with skepticism by several Division 1-AA conference commissioners.
Ohio Valley Conference Commissioner Jon Steinbrecher released this statement upon hearing the news.
“We are saddened the NFL has decided to oust the Detroit Lions, a franchise that has been associated with the National Football League since 1930. But we understand the Lions pathetic level of play could no longer be tolerated, especially by the long-suffering fans of Detroit.”
“However, the OVC has a long tradition of success and we are adamantly opposed to the inclusion of the Lions into our league. We’d prefer to keep Detroit away from our conference because we don’t want the Lions contaminating our member teams.”
President Barack Obama offered his thoughts on the NFLs decision. “It’s time for hope and change in the motor city. The Bush-like policies of the Ford family have led the Lions and the good people of Detroit into a state of despair.”
One FCS member team, the Alabama State Hornets, reacted to the news with guarded optimism.
A spokesperson for the school told the Associated Press, “Alabama State is glad to see the Lions in Division 1-AA. We’re 2-7, so if we can get Detroit on our schedule, we should pick up an easy win.”
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
1. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. A six-yard out route on 3rd and 8 is considered a "signature play".
2. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I use my fandom as an excuse for things like high blood pressure, poor sleeping habits, and why I shouldn't have to pay my taxes.
3. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Scott Mitchell doesn't seem so bad after all.
4. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I can name the height, weight, and college of each of our offensive lineman, though I cannot name any redeeming qualities.
5. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I get a lot of yard work done on Sunday afternoons.
6. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When our offensive players talk about all the success they are having in practice, I'm tempted to remind them that they're practicing against THE LIONS!
7. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My pre-game meal includes chicken wings, beer, and a bottle of TUMS.
8. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. If I don't have a hat to wear to the game, a brown paper bag is an acceptable substitution.
9. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Andre Ware, Eric Kramer, Rodney Peete, and Joey Harrington. Now that's a legacy.
10. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Having your quarterback make the Pro Bowl is overrated.
11. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I boo my team in the first quarter and think nothing of it.
12. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Our franchise has an impeccable draft record of never getting any value from the second or third rounds.
13. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Matt Millen petitioned the league office to see if preseason victories could count towards his career record.
14. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Brett Perriman was terribly underrated.
15. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. It takes a former player stealing a current one's bags for this team to receive national media attention.
16. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Our most beloved and successful veteran is our kicker.
17. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When I talk about past quarterback accomplishments, I invoke memories of the immortal Dave Krieg.
19. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I've had serious discussions amongst my friends about which NFL team would be most appropriate to cheer for instead.
20. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Opposing fans tell me Ford Field is a great place to celebrate a victory.
21. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I'm the sports equivalent to that chick who can't get out of an abusive relationship.
22. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Watching Rodney Peete demolish us in the playoffs was...fitting.
23. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When I wear my Lions gear in other cities, I receive a polite laugh and an, "aww...that's cute."
24. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My spouse has to explain to the kids why I'm always in such a bad mood on Sundays.
25. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I took Jon Kitna two rounds too early in my fantasy draft.
26. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I felt a mild sense of retribution after watching Johhny Morton's MMA debut.
27. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When was the last time we won again?
28. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I love our retired players, because they remind me of times when things were...um...slightly better.
29. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I'm sometimes surprised by the boorish behavior of the other fans in my section, and then realize by the third quarter that I'm doing the same things.
30. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Our third-string quarterback weighs more than our middle linebacker, and probably tackles better too.
31. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Turning the Lions into a winning franchise on my Madden 2009 only increases my frustration.
32. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I loved Mike McMahon, because for those 5 or 6 seconds he was scrambling around, there was a sense of hope that he might actually throw a completion.
33. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Other fans around the country are unaware of my plight, because the NFL makes sure the Lions stay off of national television.
34. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My insurance company does not accept my family's loyalty to the team as a reason my children should receive emotional counseling.
35. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. The half-drunk guy next to me thinks he can do a better job than Matt Millen. He's probably over-qualified.
36. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I find every loss tragic, yet strangely comforting because of its familiarity.
37. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My best experiences at Ford Field all year are during the MHSAA High School State Finals.
38. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I actually know what shade Honolulu Blue is.
39. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Corey Schlesinger was ranked as the third most popular current Lions player in a recent fan poll.
40. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I have called players like Artoose Pinner and Jeff Garica bums, and then watched in horror as they performed like Pro Bowlers against us once they left town.
41. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I criticize our front office for drafting wide receivers in the first round, and then realize that our wideouts are the only unit worth bragging about.
42. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When I travel outside of Michigan and admit my fandom to others, they treat me as if I have a debilitating mental disease.
43. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. I have lasting Thanksgiving memories of times with the family, huge turkey dinners, and falling asleep on the couch watching the Lions lose.
44. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When people mention going to the playoffs, I turn into Jim Mora.
45. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My favorite cheer is "FIRE MIL-LEN!!!" With "LET'S GO RED WINGS!" a close second.
46. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. When our quarterback predicts 10 victories, I think he's referencing the team's 5-year plan.
47. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. There are three certainties every year. I will be excited at the start the season, disappointed at the end of it, and Detroit will lose at Green Bay.
48. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Averaging 2.5 yards a carry is considered progress.
49. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. My favorite player of all time is Detroit Lions Backup Quarterback.
50. I'm a Detroit Lions Fan. Barry walked away. Why can't I???
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Las Vegas is messing up. How can they set the over/under wins for the 2009 Lions at 3 games??? I am putting my mortgage on the under. FUCK THE LIONS!!!!
Why pile on these guys? The 0-16 season is a record that will never be broken unless the NFL goes to 17 or 18 games, so maybe the best thing for the Lions to do is say “f-it” and think about 2009.
Any team that gives up 517 points in 16 games (the Steelers have yielded 492 in the last two seasons total) better makes some moves on that side of the ball, and the Lions have been active in free agency. On board now are OLB Julian Peterson, cornerback Philip Buchanan and MLB Larry Foote. Louis Delmas, taken with the first pick in round 2 of the draft, may be the top safety taken.
While the defense can’t possibly get worse, all eyes will be on top draft choice Matthew Stafford. If he turns into another Joey Harrington, Detroit fans will be wearing bags again and new coach Jim Schwartz will be gone by 2011.
The Lions are re-working their offensive line by signing other teams’ castoffs, but if Stafford winds up starting and gets any time to throw, WR Calvin Johnson should put up some decent numbers.
Surprising stat: The Lions won all 4 of their exhibition games last season.
Team strengths: For some unexplainable reason, the Lions seemed to play pretty well in their division last season. They could have easily beaten division champ Minnesota twice. If Stafford gets playing time early, he and Johnson could make things uncomfortable for secondaries in the NFC North. Also, Matt Millen is no longer making personnel decisions.
Team Weakness: The Dolphins went from 1-15 in 2007 to 11-5 and a playoff spot last season. The Lions are just too disorganized at this point to hope for anything approaching that type of turnaround.
Lions 2009 Season Win Total Prediction - 3
Here's a little story:
I have been a Detroit Lion's season ticket holder since #20, Barry Sanders, dazzled football fans everywhere with a playoff victory against the Dallas Cowboys. I saw numerous choke jobs (cough cough, playoff game against the Packers with the infamous Favre to Sharpe Hail Mary). Despite all the heartbreak and disappointment, each year I sign the check and set myself up for another year of misery. But, according to almost all of the publications and T.V. experts, the Lions offense would be so exciting this season they could make a push toward a division title. Well, four games into the season, Kitna was benched in the 4th game and the Lions have only been close to winning one game (the Packers). Outside of that they have been beyond horrible. One friend of mine has made a point to try and start the defense and the QB playing each week against the Lions. I personally took a shot on Kyle Orton on Sunday and was able to put up 30+ fantasy points.If you break down the first four games of the season, you find that the Detroit Lions have allowed teams to break records and have career days. Not bad considering they are only 4 games into the damn season!Game #1: Matt Ryan became the 1st QB in 8+ years to start his career with a touchdown pass. Turner goes for 220 with two TDs to break the team record for yards (the Falcons as a whole also set a team rushing record at 318) AND set the NFL record for most yards by a runner in their first start for a new team.Game #2: Aaron Rodgers said "Brett Who?" and tossed for a meager 328 yards (24 of 38) with 3 touchdown passes.Game #3: Detroit Lions kicked Mike Martz to the curb and ended up coaching the 49ers. So in game #3, Martz humilated his former team 31-13. San Francisco put up more yards in this game than they did in almost any game all of last year. How bad is the Lion's defense? Well, SF quarterback O'Sullivan was sacked 12 times in the first two games but only was taken down ONCE by Detroit.Game #4: Kyle Orton: Career day against the Lion's defense, 24-34 for 334 yards and 2 TDs (no INTS)Alas, another season of misery and disappointment. When the season is all said and done, I will (sigh) sign that check yet again on the promose of new management and some stud draft pick. Is there any hope for this franchise or will my children's children be forced to endure the same disappointment I have lived through?
Yes the Lions blow dick!! Macon cries in his pillow every night like a little girl.
Several factors have contributed to the Lions' lengthy period of suckitude. At least in the last couple decades:1. They never recovered from Barry Sanders' sudden retirement. He was the face of the team and the best player to play for them probably ever. His leaving unexpectedly really gutted that franchise.2. The Ford family must know nothing about football, because somehow Matt Millen has convinced them that he is a legitimate NFL general manager. He is not. For some reason, they continue to give him chance after chance after chance.3. They have faced good teams in their division over the years. The Packers have been good virtually every year since the Wolf/Holmgren/Favre tandem was put in place in the early '90s. The Vikings and the Bears have been contenders at various times during that period as well. The Lions play those three franchises a total of six games each year.
All of the above are just simple excuses. They're all grown men...strap on the pads and do something with your life!!!
And now Stafford will get his pussy handed to him and be traded.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Merely hours after the Pistons were swept by the Cavaliers in the first round of the playoffs, the Lions made their picks in the 2009 NFL Draft and unfortunately for them, Detroit wasn’t happy about the picks their team made.
After the embarrassing 0-16 campaign the Detroit Lions had last year, their fans were really looking forward to see their team address some of the issues that equated to such a disappointing 2008 season.
Some view the Detroit Lions’ 0-16 season as imperfection at its finest. But not Bang! Cartoons. In their latest ‘toon, Bang! Cartoons take a look at the perfection that was the Detroit Lions’ 2008 Season.